Whose Lemon is it, Anyway?
by KimyouTeki
Summary: Characters from YGO, Gravitation, and Yu Yu Hakusho play a game of Whose Line is it Anyway for a very special prize-- a lemon with the legendary Ryuichi Sakuma!
1. 60Second Alphabet

KimyouTeki: Hi, all! This is a _Whose Line is it Anyway_ fanfiction story featuring characters from YGO, _Gravitation_, and some of my other favorite shows. The winner will get a very special prize—a lemon!

I was inspired by the other WLIIA fics I've read in the past. I love the show, and the stories are a lot of fun, too, so I thought I'd give it a shot. I hope you'll enjoy and feel moved to review and drop some suggestions for future chapters!

Now, let's begin!

**Whose Lemon is it Anyway?**

**Chapter One: 60-second Alphabet**

* * *

The lights come up and the music blares as the camera sweeps over a cheering audience, finding the _Whose Lemon is it Anyway_ stage. The curtains are shut, and there is one person standing in the middle of the stage, smiling and hopping around.

He waves Kumagoro around, laughing, "Hey everyone! It's Ryu! Nice to see you!"

The audience is chanting, _"Sa-Ku-Ma! Sa-Ku-Ma!!"_

After a few seconds, Ryu stops and holds his hands up to the audience, asking them to quiet down, but still smiling that cool, gracious smile of his. The applause slowly dies down.

"Hey, everyone, glad you could make it, this is the first chapter of what will hopefully be a long and successful _Whose Line is it Anyway_ fanfic, as if there aren't enough of those already. Who's ready to meet our contestants?"

Wild cheers fill the room.

"Okay, here are tonight's contestants!" Ryu steps aside, moving to get behind the desk at the side of the stage as the curtains are drawn, revealing four people sitting in four chairs at the back of the stage.

"First up," says, Ryu, "_Slow Ride_, Ryou Bakura from _Yu-Gi-Oh_!"

Ryou frowns, and though it's drowned out by the audience, you can tell by the movement of his lips that he's saying, "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Next, _Take it Easy, _Yusuke Urameshi from _Yu Yu Hakusho_!"

Yusuke uncrosses one arm to wave at the audience, a smirk on his lips.

"Next up, _Slow Down_, Yugi Mutou from _Yu-Gi-Oh_!"

Yugi blushes and waves shyly at the cheering audience.

"And last, _Slow Down, I'm getting queasy_, Shuichi Shindou from _Gravitation_!"

ShuChan jumps out of the last chair and dances all over the stage, posing and cheering and egging the audience on.

"That's right, bwa-hahahhaha! Your rock god is here!" He runs over and bows to the desk where Ryuichi is sitting before returning to his chair.

"Okay," says Ryuichi, "welcome to _Whose Lemon is it Anyway?_ where everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right, the points are about as important as Ask's latest album."

Yusuke yells, "Ooh, burn!" and leans over to high-five ShuChan.

"At the end of the night, a winner will be chosen and will be able to have a lemon with me, Ryuichi Sakuma, right here onstage for the audience's viewing pleasure."

The audience goes apeshit, proving they're a bunch of yaoi fangirls.

"Our first game will be 60-second Alphabet, since KimyouTeki's not very creative. This game is for Yugi, Yusuke, and Shuichi."

The three stand and walk to the front of the stage. Ryuichi goes on, "In this game, you three will play out a scene, but each statement must start with a letter of the alphabet, going down through the whole thing in no more than sixty seconds. What letter will we start with?" he asks the audience.

Fluffy (aka Yami Mariku) and Bakura are sitting side by side in one of the back rows. Mariku yells, "F!" and Bakura yells, "U!"

Yusuke smirks, "Yeah, real mature."

Other audience members call out other letters until Ryuichi holds his hand up for them to stop.

"Okay," says Ryuichi, "We'll start with Y for yaoi."

The audience cheers, and Ryuichi brings out a stopwatch. "The game starts… Now!"

Yugi looks up at Yusuke and opens his mouth to say something, but stops himself and looks at Ryuichi. "Wait, what scene are we supposed to act out?"

Ryuichi falls over sideways, laughing, and for a few seconds all anyone can see of him is his foot sticking up from under the desk. He comes back up, getting back into his seat. "Sorry about that, folks. Yeah, before we play, we should probably tell them what scene they're supposed to be acting out."

He looks out at the audience. "We need a scenario."

"Romeo and Juliet balcony scene!"

"Friday the 13th killing spree!"

"Waiting in line at the DMV!"

"Okay, I heard 'waiting in line at the DMV'!" Ryuichi resets the stopwatch. "Guys, you're waiting in line at the DMV, starting with the letter Y for yaoi. The game starts now!"

Yugi turns to Yusuke, "You got a number 2 pencil?"

Yusuke shakes his head, "Zero pencils."

ShuChan taps Yugi on the shoulder. "A pencil here." and pretends to hand Yugi a pencil. Yugi pretends to try to write with it. "Bad point!"

ShuChan shrugs, "Can't be helped."

Yugi pretends to toss the pencil aside, "Damn!"

Yusuke puts on an irritated expression. "Everyone shut up!"

Yugi says, "Fuhh…."

--the whole audience sucks in a huge gasp—

"…get about you!"

The whole audience sighs relief.

ShuChan says, "Guys, calm down!"

Yusuke points at Yugi. "He's driving me nuts!"

Yugi retorts, "I don't like you either!"

ShuChan says, "Just calm down, guys!"

Yusuke sneers, "Kiss my ass!"

The audience _Oooooh_s.

Yugi says, "Like it's my fault!"

Yusuke says, "Maybe it is!"

Yugi retorts, "No it isn't!"

Yusuke goes, "Oh yes it is!"

ShuChan steps between them. "Please, guys…"

Yugi puts up his index finger. "Question, why is this any of your business?"

Yusuke goes, "Right!"

ShuChan shouts, "Sheesh, I was just trying to help!"

"Tell someone else," says Yusuke.

ShuChan yells, "Up yours!" while pretending to storm off. He goes and stands towards the back of the stage, arms crossed, pouting adorably.

Yugi and Yusuke stare over at him. Yugi says, "Very strange guy."

Yusuke nods, "Weirdo."

There's a long pause, and all three performers get a little anxious. They search their minds for words that start with X.

Yugi suddenly holds up his hands as if offering Yusuke something. "Xylophone?"

Yusuke pretends to take it from Yugi's hands. "Yes, thank you."

Ryuichi smacks the buzzer down multiple times, signaling the end of the game and the three go back to their seats as the audience claps.

Ryuichi says, "No points for anyone."

Yugi gets a confused, hurt look on his face and Yusuke's leaning forward in his seat going, "What? Why not?"

Ryuichi explains, "It was supposed to be waiting in line at the DMV, and you somehow turned it into 'Taking the final exam'."

"No, we were taking our driving tests."

"Yeah, driving tests."

"Okay, ten points to Yugi for pulling that explanation out of his ass." Ryuichi consulted his index cards. "Next game will be 'Scenes from a Hat', but we can't play it yet. We need suggestions from the audience."

**To Be Continued**

* * *

KimyouTeki: That was the first chapter, hope you liked! Anyhoo, just like Ryuichi said, we need suggestions for the next game, which is going to be 'Scenes from a Hat'. You know, stuff like, "Worst things to hear when you're on the operating table", or "Worst things to say on a first date" (I think those were both used on the show). Feedback and suggestions aren't just appreciated, they'll help the story along! So drop me a line and come back for the next chapter! See ya!


	2. Scenes from a Hat

**Whose Lemon is it Anyway? **

**Chapter 2: Scenes from a Hat**

+*+*+*+*+

"Welcome back! I'm Ryuichi Sakuma and this is 'Whose Lemon is it Anyway', where everything's made up and the points don't matter! That's right, the points are about as relevant as Shuichi Shindou's lyric-writing abilities!"

ShuChan jumps out of his seat, his face twisted in an angry sneer. "Hey! My songs are from the heart! They are the most meaningful, tear-jerking—!"

Ryuichi looks at his index cards. "I guess this one was written by Eiri Yuki."

"Damn it, Yuki! You're such a bastard!" ShuChan flops down in his chair again, ignoring the audience laughing at his cute tantrum.

"It's time for the next game." Ryuichi pulls a top hat out from under the desk. "Scenes from a Hat. This game is for all of you."

Ryou, Yusuke, Yugi, and Shuichi get up and stand at the sides of the stage. The audience cheers while Ryuichi mixes the hat, scattering slips of paper about inside. "This is how the game goes. Between chapters we asked the audience for suggestions, then took the best ones and now these guys are going to act them out. And the first one is…"

Sakuma pulls out the first slip of paper. "Awkward things to toast to at a wedding!"

Ryou comes up, then smiles into the camera, holding up an imaginary glass of wine. "Here's hoping your herpes isn't inflamed for your honeymoon!"

Ryou gets buzzed out, and Yugi steps up next. He staggers and slouches, acting drunk. "Better late than never, eh? Here's hoping your eggs didn't dry up!"

Yusuke comes up next. He laughs and punches the air. "Awright! Another wedding, another bevy of desperate single gals! Cheers!"

Last up is Shuichi. He looks into the camera, kinda serious, holding up a glass of wine. He sighs, then takes a deep breath and—"

"YUKI'S ALL MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNE!!!"

The audience goes nuts, squeeeing and raising the roof, hopping in their seats. ShuChan basks in the applause, waving his hands and dancing a little caramelldansen. Ryuichi buzzes him off.

"Okay, that suggestion was from Charlie. Are you in the audience?"

Charlie waves from the middle of the bleachers. She has brown-grey hair with a blonde streak in the middle.

"Okay, here ya go!" Ryuichi stands and throws Kumagoro in her direction. "Mr. Bear ATTACK!"

Mr. Bear smacks Charlie right in the face, comically knocking her over.

Ryuichi says, "You can keep that one. I've got hundreds." He pulls another slip of paper out of the hat. "Worst ways to prepare someone for bad news."

Ryou steps up, smiles into the camera, and says, "You'll never guess what you've contracted!"

Ryuichi buzzes him out. Yugi and Yusuke step up, looking at each other.

Yusuke says, "Guy whose mom just died says what?"

Yugi goes, "What?"

"Well, there ya go."

Ryuichi buzzes them out and ShuChan steps up next. "You know how you were worried about losing your job? Well, you can stop worrying!"

Ryuichi buzzes him out and pulls a new slip of paper from the hat.

"Lemons that would make you want to carve your own eyes out with a melon baller."

Yugi and ShuChan step forward and throw themselves into each other's arms.

Yugi moans, "Oh, Sasuke!"

ShuChan says, "Oh, anyone who's not Naruto or Itachi!" and the audience goes nuts. Chants of _SasuNaru, NaruSasu, _and _ItaSasu_ swell up from the bleachers. ShuChan and Yugi keep cuddling as the girls cheer.

"Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!"

So they do, a nice little French kiss to please the _Fujoshi_ audience. Ryuichi buzzes them out, mumbling, "I've always been partial to _KakaSasu_ myself..."

Up next are Ryou and Yusuke. Ryou approaches Yusuke, but Yusuke puts his hand up. "Hold it right there, Pegasus! It's time to d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d—" stops to gasp in a breath—" d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d—"

The audience applauds Yusuke's lung power—

"-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-duel!!"

Ryuichi buzzes them out. "Do that again and I'm kicking your butt right out of the studio."

Yusuke laughs, "Whatever, I'm hot for Kurama anyway."

Ryou goes, "Psh. Everyone knows Kurama belongs to Hiei."

Ryuichi pulls out another slip of paper. "Odd cosplay choices."

Yugi steps up and holds out his arms, like he wants a hug. "Hi, I'm a Tobi mask! If you'd like to be Tobi, I'll just climb up onto your face…"

Ryuichi buzzes him out. Yusuke steps up next.

"I'm cosplaying as Yuri Shibuya from _Kyo Kara Maoh_. Seriously. It's not that I was too lazy to buy a costume."

Someone in the audience calls out, "Wrong color!" about Yusuke's green school uniform.

"It's St. Patrick's Day, okay!?"

Ryuichi buzzes him out.

Ryou steps up next and holds his hands up, palms facing forward. "I'm Xena's breastplate!"

Ryuichi buzzes him out, then buzzes some more, signaling the end of the round. The bishies go back to their seats.

"One hundred points to Yugi and Shuichi for the cute and sexy make-out session."

Yugi and ShuChan slap palms, smiling and blushing a little.

"Okay", says Ryuichi, "I think this chapter's just about over…"

Everyone jumps at the_ bang-squeal _of the studio doors being yanked open. A person is standing there in silhouette. "Wait right there, you bastards!"

Yusuke jumps up. "Who the hell is that? You got some problem, Buddy?"

"Damn right, I got a problem!" He comes stomping in, revealed in the studio lights to be Tatsuha Uesugi.

"It's Eiri Yuki's younger brother Tatsuha from _Gravitation_, everybody!" There is some excited applause from the audience, who smiles and waves and calls to him. Tatsuha doesn't seem to notice through his anger. He marches up onto the stage, right up to ShuChan.

"What the hell are you doing, playing some sleazy game where the prize is a lemon with my honey Ryuichi, who is worshipped like a god!?"

ShuChan turns a tinge blue in the face, a small sweatdrop at his temple. "It's just for fun, Tatsuha…"

"How could you do this without inviting me!? I love Ryuichi Sakuma San more than you ever will! It's bad enough you kissed him and went on a date with him! You bastard! I won't let you take him away from me!"

Yusuke flops back down in his chair. "What is this, _Jerry Springer_?"

Yugi gets out of his chair, edging away from the angry Tatsuha. "I don't like fighting."

Ryuichi's voice booms throughout the studio like a god's voice: "Everybody calm down."

The anger leaves Tatsuha's expression and he looks sheepishly up at Ryuichi.

"I appreciate that you're a big fan, Tatsuha, but you're only 16 years old, and I'm thirty. That wouldn't be right."

Tatsuha wilted for a second. He glanced to the stage, then jolted. "Bullshit! If age is an issue, why are these three here? Ryou's seventeen, Yusuke's fourteen, and Yugi can't be older than twelve!"

Yugi cries out, "Hey! I'm seventeen too!"

"They're from other shows that have different rules, so it's okay."

Tatsuha's jaw hit the floor. "I won't accept that! I want in on this game!"

ShuChan looks at Ryuichi and shrugs. "Why not?"

Tatsuha turns to the audience. "Come on, fangirls! I've loved Sakuma San since before I was introduced in volume 2 of the manga! I deserve a shot at Ryuichi more than anybody! Applause if you want me to join the game!"

Some girls start clapping and cheering.

Tatsuha groans, "That's not enough! Come on, tell KimyouTeki that I should join the game! If she thinks no one wants me here, she'll get rid of me!" His puppy dog eyes tear up, and the cheering rises.

"Okay, Tatsuha", says Ryuichi. "If the audience approves, we'll let you into the game. Audience, don't forget to review and let us know if Tatsuha should join Yugi, Yusuke, Ryou, and ShuChan in the bid for a lemon with me. Keep in mind this lemon will take place onstage for your viewing pleasure. What's the next game?"

Ryuichi's addressing a girl who's sitting off the side of the stage, hunched over a computer. Without looking up from the screen, she calls out, "Dating Game!"

"The next game is 'Let's Make a Date', so it's time again to ask for suggestions from the audience. We need strange personas, quirks, and/or identities for the bachelors, and questions for the bachelorette—'scuse me, bachelor, this is a yaoi fic after all—to ask the contestants. So drop a line. Your suggestions will mold the story and move it along. See you next chapter!"


	3. Let's Make a Date

**Whose Lemon is it, Anyway? **

**Chapter 2: Let's Make a Date**

Tatsuha yelled, "You got to kiss him and go on a date with him, and you're here to take more? You selfish asshole."

Yusuke wiggled his eyebrows. "You and Ryuichi have a canon relationship?"

"Not really", said ShuChan. "A few scenes in vol. 1 of _Gravitation EX_."

"Oh yeah", said Yugi. "I read that. It was pretty good, but I can't find volume 2 anywhere..."

"That's 'cause Maki Murakami's having too much fun drawing smutty doujinshi and she's lost interest in writing the manga."

"But I've been waiting forever to see what happens next. Doesn't she realize how many fans she has?"

"I guess she doesn't care", shrugs Yusuke. "Sucks, huh? Nothing worse than a writer who starts a great story or two, or ten, then leaves her readers hanging."

"Yeah", said Ryou, "what a selfish bitch!"

Everyone in the studio slowly turns and glares at the girl sitting there typing at her computer.

She blushes, then goes back to typing.

Yusuke stands up. "You know what, I'll drop out of the game. This guy clearly wants it more than I do."

Yugi asks, "Are you sure, Yusuke?"

"Yeah, it's no big deal. The only reason I was here at all is I was the first name to pop into KimyouTeki's head when she was bangin' out chapter one."

Yusuke steps off of the stage and struts to the exit. As he passes Tatsuha, he says, "Good luck, Man."

After Yusuke shuts the door, Ryuichi says, "Okay, for those of you who just joined us, Yusuke has willingly left the game, probably went to chase after Kurama, and he's been replaced with Tatsuha Uesugi from _Gravitation_. Now we have Yugi Mutou and Ryou Bakura from _Yu Gi Oh!_, and Shuichi Shindou and Tatsuha Uesugi from _Gravitation_. It's now time for our next game, which is called 'Let's make a Date'."

The audience applauses as the players step forward. Three of them take slips of paper from Ryuichi before setting out stools and sitting on them. ShuChan, Yugi, and Tatsuha's stools are lined up close together, and Ryou's stool is a short distance away.

"Okay", says Ryuichi, "this is how the game works. Our bachelor, Ryou, will ask the three bachelors Yugi, Tatsuha, and ShuChan a few questions. The bachelors will answer the questions with strange quirks and personas which they will get off of those slips of paper they've been given. Ryou has to guess who the bachelors are. Winner of this round gets a bunch of points, and the winning bachelor gets to kiss Ryou while we all watch. Now let's start the game!" He hits the buzzer.

Ryou smiles and twirls a snowy lock of his hair around his finger. "Bachelor number 1, I'm a boy who just loves to travel and see exotic locales like Europe and Hawaii. If I choose you, where would you take me on a vacation?"

_(Bachelor #1, Tatsuha – His clothes keep sliding off of his body and he's desperately trying to stay covered)_

Tatsuha smiles and says, "Well, being a humble monk, I don't—" glancing down at himself, he gasps and wraps his arms around himself, trying to pull his clothes back on. "—I don't know much about exotic places, but maybe we could—" he grunts and covers himself, then looks around nervously, "—maybe we could discover the exotic places of the world together."

"Mmm, that sounds great, Bachelor number one. Thank you. Bachelor number two, same question."

_( Bachelor #2, Yugi – Just realized that everyone in the audience are space aliens bent on world domination)_

"I'm not sure. I mean, I'm not… wealthy…" He stares out over the faces of the audience members, his expression tensing up. "And I know nothing about the government or our weapons, but I'm sure we've got lots of 'em!" He holds up a big gun, waving it around, glaring at the audience. "We'll go everywhere we need to go. We're always ready, and no one will ever be able to sneak up on us! Just so ya know! Also, we'll be armed to the teeth wherever we go!"

Ryou frowns, "Hm, sounds a bit odd, but overall, pretty good. Bachelor number three?"

_(Bachelor #3, ShuChan – is gradually turning into a cat)_

ShuChan is sitting serenely, a gentle smile on his face. "I've traveled a little in the past, and I know some great parts of Japan we could go to." He raises both arms high above his head and yawns, stretching slowly. "But to be honest, I don't see the point in going anywhere when we have everything we need at home. Fresh sushi, warm milk… and there's this unbelievable bank of windows at my place, the perfect place to lounge and sunbathe all day, _nyah_."

"That does sound pretty good, thank you, Bachelor number three. Okay, next question. Bachelor number one, my birthday's coming up. What would you do to make me feel special?"

Tatsuha is still struggling to keep his clothes from sliding off. "I guess I could… take you to a nice restaurant… then we could go to my temple and pray… Then we could _pray fervently_ and have a _religious experience_", he laughs.

"Something about your tone tells me that you're not really referring to prayer, number one. I have a feeling I'll need to watch myself around you! Bachelor number two, what would you do to celebrate my birthday?"

Yugi has jumped up from his seat and is pointing a giant gun around at the audience, a look of determination on his face. "First things first, we'd go out to the desert and build ourselves a bomb shelter. Then we'll stock up on weapons and help other survivors, build up a good resistance. Then we'll listen to 'The Resistance' by Muse and dance, and make love, and celebrate life! Precious life!" He sobs and fires the machine gun in an arc at the ceiling.

"Rat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-ta!"

The audience laughs and cheers wildly.

"Wow, Bachelor number two, you're extremely passionate. I like that. Bachelor number three?"

ShuChan is perched on the stool on all fours. He licks the back of his hand, then swipes it across his face. "I'd give you a large fatty tuna with a candle on top and we'd lick each other all day long." The whole audience swoons.

"Oh my lord!" cries Ryou. "You do know how to ignite the passion in a boy's heart!"

Ryuichi smacks the buzzer repeatedly. "That's the end of the game. Ryou, can you guess who everyone is?"

The guys all stand up and Ryou looks over at them. "Well, Tatsuha is naked and embarrassed about it."

The audience claps. "That's correct", says Ryuichi. "Tatsuha's clothes are sliding off and he's trying to stay covered. Was it a tough acting job, Tatsuha?"

Tatsuha responds by proudly ripping his shirt off. The fangirls scream.

"Okay, put that away. We don't want a fangirl riot on our hands." Tatsuha puts his shirt back on, loosely. "Who's Bachelor number two?"

Ryou looks over at Yugi. "Yugi's paranoid of the audience, he's a military gun freak and scared of the audience."

"That's close enough. Yugi thinks the audience is aliens bent on world domination. That's pretty close, I'll give you that. Now what about Bachelor number three?"

"Bachelor number three is a cat."

"That's right." Ryuichi reads from his cards. "Shuichi is 'Gradually turning into a cat'. Now it's time to pick a winner. Which bachelor do you choose, Ryou?"

"Well… Tatsuha, you seem very nice and who wouldn't wanna spend all their time with a hot naked guy? And Yugi, I'm sure if I chose you we'd never be bored. However, I love sushi and licking, so I'm gonna have to choose ShuChan."

Yugi and Tatsuha go back to their chairs, and ShuChan does a victory strut amongst the applause of the fangirls. Then ShuChan and Ryou go to each other and hug. Chants of "Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!" rise up from the audience. So they share a deep passionate kiss, and the girls go crazy. Ryou has his arms wrapped around ShuChan's waist, and ShuChan is raking his fingers through Ryou's long, snowy hair.

After a very, very long time, Ryuichi hits the buzzer. "That's the end of the game, everybody back to your seats. Don't make me go find a hose."

Tatsuha smirks. "Oh that reminds me, you left your hose at my place last night, along with a jar of lube, but it's mostly empty, so…"

"Keep it. The winner of the round is Shuichi for getting the most action so far. A thousand points to Shuichi."

"Hell yeah!" ShuChan high-fives Yugi and Ryou, but Tatsuha crosses his arms and pouts.

"That's the end of this round. What's next?"

The girl at the computer doesn't look up from her typing. "Weird Newscasters".

**whose lemon is it, anyway? **

**2**

**finish**

KT: It's been so long since I updated, sorry everyone. Please feel free to review and send in suggestions for the next game—personas for the weird newscasters. The chances of your suggestions being used are pretty good. Also, if you're reading my other stories _Baku, Ra, to Ringu _and _Some Kind of Monster, _you'll be happy to know I'm writing new chapters for each of those fics, so please look forward to that. See you next update!


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